Archive | December, 2010

Window Gifting: Gifts for My Future Boyfried

24 Dec

So you’ve heard of window shopping, right-lurking and obsessing over something you want in the store or online until you are ready to purchase or steal it (j/k)? Sometimes you hold out thinking you can find a better deal or just aren’t sure that you should spend your Trader Joe’s grocery bill money on a pair of “Too On Sale” L.A.M.B. pumps, for example. You parade around the store or site with optimism or anxiety that once you purchase (_________), life will be more fulfilling and all of your ruminating will be validated for better or worse. Well, this post isn’t exactly about that but, context is important.

In the past few days of my last minute holiday shopping I have run across some cool gifts that would be ideal for a man. On a trip to Best Buy this week I came across some stuff that I didn’t even know existed like an alarm clock with Facebook! FUN! Then there were all these cool E-Readers, cameras, and DVD series on sale. Some of the offers were just good to pass up.  I just wanted an excuse to buy anything electronic that wasn’t for me or my little sisters’ Wii game system for once! I then thought, “Remember that fun time you had a boyfriend to buy gifts for?” “Yeah, that was fun!”

What I love most about Christmas truly is the gift-giving so it’s typical of me to be thinking who I could find a reason to buy a gift for. Now, I am sure the idea of buying gifts for a man in my life only seems romantic because I don’t have one right now to buy for. I can’t say that I fully enjoy the self-inflicted pressure I put on myself when selecting and purchasing gifts for others but, it would still be fun to have a man to buy for, for a change. It’s a world of gifting I haven’t been exposed to in a while and every time I go in Zara or H&M I always look at the clothes for men just to see what’s available and to subconsciously remind myself of what shopping for a boyfriend is like I guess. Continue reading

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Where Are You?

20 Dec

 Dear Future Boyfriend and/or Future Husband,

It’s the week of Christmas 2010 and I am here in Texas to visit my family. Sounds good, right? Well it should be all good but, not so much. I can’t say that the disappointment I’m experiencing was unexpected but my options were to either come visit them, be in New York alone, or reluctantly accept an awkward invitation to a friend’s family festivities where I would be unfulfilled and disappointed. I wisely opted for the familiarity of family dysfunction, a poor reception, and just the same ole BS that my so called family is comprised of. Where are you? 

I had to buy a plane ticket, take a very uncomfortable Delta flight, and spend what should have been my monthly savings on Christmas gifts only to be dissatisfied, unappreciated, and rejected in the end. I also thought it would be a great idea to spend 12 days with these people so I hate am unappreciative of the quality of my life right now. My only consolation is my 10 month old nephew who is so sweet and innocent. I am so in love with him and know that if he hadn’t been born this year, the holidays would be a hell of a lot worse! So,  all I want to say to you is please let our holidays be more enjoyable than this. Continue reading

Dates I’ll Say Yes To…When I’m Ready To Date

13 Dec

Of all the dates I’ve been on I can’t recall a date that didn’t start at a movie theatre, party, park, or restaurant.  And in the past couple of years I haven’t been dating so I may not be saying much here. But, what I am saying is that while I have dated some cool men I can’t say that I have been THAT impressed with their first date choices considering the traditional dinnerandamovie is so overdone. Wait! Before you call me bougie or high maintenance note that the actual dates were almost always enjoyably filled with great conversation, food, and fun.  I mean, I am pretty easy to please when I am not overanalyzing details or  being wildly ambivalent. All I really require is that the guy chooses the place, is on time, pays for the date, and doesn’t ask me for phone sex or invite his girlfriend (true stories. stay tuned for these posts). At this point in my non-existent dating life I really have no cause for complaints nor requests but, when I am ready to date again I hope to make up for all the time and fun lost by going on some really. amazing. dates. What do I mean by amazing you ask?  Amazing like….. Continue reading

Atypical

12 Dec

The heart of Larry Fitzgerald (Photo:www.nfl.com)

 The more I think about starting to date again and talk about it with friends I’m faced with the question “So, what’s your type?” My response? A series of “ummms” and “wells” followed by pointing out some random guy in the room who fits what I think may be my “type”. I am not one of those girls who has a type per se.  I hate to put myself or men in a box. I have learned enough in my dating life to know that this can be a recipe for disappointment. BUT,  if I could create a fine male specimen to my very own liking, he’d have the personality of  Will Smith (yeah, that’s so cliche’); the heart of Larry Fitzgerald; the physical perfection and handsomeness of Terrell Owens; the passion and talent of Jason Reynolds; charm of Landry Clarke (yes, he’s the character from Friday Night Lights & quit judging me); the stature of President Obama; the work ethic of Keith Fitzhugh or the men who pick up my trash every Saturday morning rain, sleet or snow; and, the loyalty of Kenny Chadway (yet another fictional character from my life with Netflix #dontjudge).  I mean, truth is I am most attracted to athletic, rough but handsome, dark, cornbread-fed, sports loving, hard-working men with muscular chests, and genuine, simplistic senses of style.

The passion and talent of Jason Reynolds (Photo:Shyree Mezick)

But at the same time I don’t expect ever guy I date to be 6’2” with  220 pounds of lean body mass. I am attracted to different things in different men and believe that “swag”, sense of humor, and passion are MOST attractive. Even the most out of shape man can be desirable to me. That being said, I don’t know if I need to have a “type” identified for myself. But, I’m thinking maybe it would help me in my future dating endeavors if I at least know what I am looking for. So I’ll settle with this, if a man has all his teeth, is physically fit, and makes me laugh, I’m winning! If he finds pride in saggin his pants, doesn’t value exercise, or likes to rock cornrows, I’m losing!  Not too critical or selective, right? 

The stature of President Obama

Now, in terms of profession and money I don’t know what should be typical for me either or if it should even be considered in such a way. I refuse to be one of those women who demands that a man have an advanced degree, Ivy League education, six-figure income, and lots of power even if I have or desire to have these things for myself. I am not averse to men who possess such indicators of success but these things just aren’t that critical for me. I guess we should have a balance among each other’s career, a mutual respect and regard for each other’s work, income that meets our own individual needs and compliments each other’s lifestyle (if we’re talking long term relationship). I won’t pretend that money and career trajectory won’t be considerable factors but I won’t be driven by them in my quest for love and ultimately matrimony. Perhaps my only requirement should be that he be passionate and ambitious about whatever his craft is.

 Am I being too forgiving, naive, or setting the bar too low by being so open? Only time will tell. While I don’t have these  things figured out, I am looking forward to wherever this path of ambivalence may lead me in love. Keeping my options  open……and apparently inclusive of men with dreads.

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