Archive | January, 2011

Friday Night Epiphany: Buying My Own Company?

31 Jan

To what do they owe this experience? Where did they go wrong?

 So here it is another typical Friday* night at home here in my cozy little Harlem apartment. It’s blissful business as usual: blogrolling, Domino’s, Soul Food series on Netflix, and relaxation.  Tonight would have been that Friday night where me and my lovelies (friends) took our earnings to some local hotspot and had a blast over wine, cheese, or BBQ’s margaritas. Unfortunately, that Friday night is not happening because my job made a mistake processing my pay check and I’m financially bound (the word broke is gross and derogatory in my opinion so get used to this euphemism. In the name of Jesus I rebuke brokeness). I would have loved to hang up with my lovelies and B.S. the night away in good company so that fact that I am at home is cool, but uncomfortable. I’m financially bound not only because of the HR glitch, but I’ve also put my life on a strict budget so that I can make some of my dreams a reality this year. This “by any means necessary” approach with my finances and personal life has really got me questioning my sense of self and my evolution as a single woman. I have always valued the self esteem and actualization that comes with being single and enjoying my own company. I think that everyone at some point in life should find who they are independent of relationships and enjoy who they are independent of relationships. With this new financial discipline and sacrificing I am realizing that I am uncomfortable not being able to “treat” myself to any and every thing as usual. What I have failed to realize is that for a long time I have in fact been buying my own company! (Whew! Powerful statement, right?  ** looks down, taps index finger in the air in praise of the Lord for this moment of clarity **)   Continue reading

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“I’m Dating in That 21st Century, Doin’ Something Mean to It”: Dating Options & The NYC Quarterly

25 Jan

Anytime I can use a Kanye line to reference something, I will so don’t get too caught up in finding a link between the title and the following content. Last night one of my lovely girlfriends asked for my help in a dating challenge she gave herself. The goal? 4 dates before May 2011! *sings* “She’s so ambitious. She might meet two Sigmas. Hey, she’s on a mission, no matter what the conditions.” 

Yeah, what are the conditions? What are the conditions to dating and meeting someone these days? Well, someone as lovely as her will not have a problem meeting this objective but, surprisingly she asked for leads to nice eligible bachelors. I myself didn’t know of any that I thought would be compatible with her, but I politely encouraged her to attend the upcoming NYC Quarterly Flow Dating Event on February 13, 2011 (the same event my friends tried to sponsor me for). I thought it would be a way to make her dating experience easier and perhaps more successful. Before I go further, let me say that this post is not a prompt for the endless and oh-so-tired discussion about why women can’t find a date, why Black women are single, or an opportunity to lay down some ground-breaking revelation about what the “problem” really is with men, women, and dating. HisandHerSinks is about solutions and the future so I want to focus soley on progression unless of course someone really does have some ground-breaking revelation about what the “problem” is. Continue reading

5 Romantic Things About Blue Valentine

23 Jan

Some of you may have already seen the movie Blue Valentine. I for one only just saw it this weekend. There was lots of buzz about this movie and for the most part the movie lived up to the hype. What I respect most about Blue Valentine was the realistic portrayal of relationships, falling in love, and the film’s probing inquisition about what love really is. I won’t spoil the brilliance of the movie but, I have to admit that even such a well made movie left me shockingly disappointed. I spent the remainder of my Saturday night trying to figure out why the movie ended in such a way, what the director was trying to accomplish in the end, and what was the damn point of all the love if…….again, I won’t spoil the movie for you nor will I criticize it because it accomplished one important thing; it made me want to fall in love. So, I want to celebrate the romantic themes and instances that made such a gritty and desperate movie so lovely. These themes serve as a reminder to myself that despite potential pain, risk, sacrifice, compromise, and rejection love is worthy. So, let the romance be told.

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Am I THAT Girl?

20 Jan

For the past few years I have done my best to avoid questions about my dating life. Not because I have some big dating secret but, because I just seem to disappoint people with my answers. When asked “How’s your love life?” a statement which  is usually accompanied by a friendly tap on the shoulder and an optimistic, flirtatious, and meddling tone. A tone that insinuates that they just know the answer is “Wonderful” yet I’ve just simply been holding out the details. Sorry, no “Sex and the City” here, friend! The more I have tried to pretend like dating was not a part of my life the more I have been challenged by…dating and the perceptions it carries. I guess this is why I have a blog now. I gotta figure some things out.

The other day I was chatting with a friend on Facebook and he asked “So, you got a man yet?” Me: “Uhhhh, no!!” Sorry to inform you that I’m still single for reasons I can’t precisely name. I wish I had more for you. Is it a choice? Is it because no guys want to date me? I’m not sure. I wish I had a clear answer for him. Now more than ever I feel that the challenge is becoming too much to bear. I guess now that I’m done with school, have a career going, have a fabulous life, and am on the brink of all of my wildest dreams it must be just a huge question mark for my friends and associates to wonder why I never talk about any men in my life or why I don’t have the same conversations as many other 20-something women do. You know? About who they’re dating, where they met a guy, boyfriend drama, how they’re falling in love, how they’re getting married, how they want to be married, how they met his parents. These are all topics that just have not been a part of my life for some time. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about that when I write it out but, I’m definitely not bitter; I’m just not there. Still, I understand how someone would perceive this as avoidant or bound by some sort of anti-dating logic. Continue reading

Guest Post from a Real Housewife: Reasons I’m Jealous of Single Women

12 Jan

In response to my Reasons I’m Jealous of Married Women post, I thought it would be a great idea to let the married women speak their piece about their perspectives on the appeal of married life since they know it so well. A lot of married women replied to that post and it was very enlightening. There were definitely some instances I overlooked and notions of my own that I didn’t critique so well but, that is the reason I created Hisandhersinks: to enrich my journey! So, without further ado, I introduce you to a good friend of mine, Mrs. Kimberly Gimble. She is a funny, savvy, and committed stay at home mother of 3 and Army wife who has had to make many sacrifices for family. Take it away, Kim.

As a stay at home military wife I have a few reasons to be jealous of single women especially ones without kids! Though I’m happy with my lifestyle now, I certainly miss the perks of my childless, unmarried life. I’m sure single women think about what their married life will look like but truth is it’s probably not so much different from what you think than it is drastically different from your life right now. It’s the price you’ll pay for love and marriage. Some of the disadvantages may seem obvious but here’s my take. **Cue music**….”Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage. This, I tell you brother, you can’t have one without the other!” Continue reading

In Negotiations

8 Jan

It’s probably not lost on y’all at this point that I have a lot of ambivalence about what I want in a man. A guy I used to date told me once, before we started dating, “I know why you’re single; you don’t know what you want!” To this day that statement replays in my mind and I have to say he was a little right. I can identify a lot of great qualities in a man that are desirable but to me everyone is different and those qualities manifest themselves in different ways, right? So what’s the point of coming up with these lists if every individual has something different and great to bring to the table. Well, I guess that’s the problem. Not every one does! Naive, I might be.

 The only thing I would have to say is a consistent fixture on my “list” is physical fitness. I’m not committed to that quality just for the mere superficial fact that I like muscles but, because it’s been my experience. There’s no point in fixin’ something that ain’t broke. The majority of the men I have dated have been FINE:  fit, hard, and toned with full chests, round shoulders, defined abs,  effortlessly flexible muscles, who work out , sport perfectly fitted athletic shirts, and when they sweat it glistens and excentuates their big……… Continue reading

Reasons I’m Jealous of Married Women

3 Jan

 

"Every time I come around your city"... no bling!

Before I start writing let me say that it is not my intention to complain about being single or to express any sort of self-pity. I have thoroughly enjoyed my single life and am in no way trying to diminish it by saying what I am about to say but listen..

The more I think about being in a relationship again I do have to remind myself of all the things that were great about them. Most times I am reminded when talking to some of my close friends who are married or my sister who is engaged and I become jealous at times. Not the devious, Bible reference type of jealousy but , jealousy in a relationally-observant, self-reflective, inspirational kind of way. When I see other people reaping the benefit of something great, it inspires me and reminds me of the possibility. I am going to delve right into the dynamics of marriage while bypassing the significance of simple, unofficial, committed relationships (boyfriend-girlfriend, fiancés) but, I do so only because I hope that the ultimate outcome of my impending love life will be marriage. I can think of a ton of reasons I miss having a boyfriend but the idea of marriage is superior in my opinion. I’ve had boyfriends and know that that relationship status is attainable but the idea of marriage is somewhat beyond me and sometimes I get jealous of my married girlfriends. I’m not at all jealous because “those bitches have husbands and I’m still single” but, because…well, there are several reasons. Continue reading

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