Definition of a Lame. What is it Really?

21 Feb

Lame. The William from Girlfriends Way. How do you describe that?


The usual topic and conversations about lame dudes is a highly referenced one, but not a very transcendent one in my opinion. Ladies, what do we really mean when we write a guy off as lame and therefore undateable? Fellas, can a woman be a lame? To me the lameness phenomena is quite puzzling.  Certain instances of lameness are more marked while others aren’t. For instance, if a guy has Pokemon pics in his FB photo album, uses played out slang terms, wears Phat Farm, posts shirtless so-called modeling photos as his profile pic and/or texts these pics, or makes immature sexual jokes he is a certifiable lame! But what about those inexplicable lame qualities?

A couple of weeks ago I was going through old pictures on laptop and came across a particularly fond memory. It was a double date, Houston, circa 2007, a fun night out at Status, one of the best nightclubs in H-Town. There was Him: 6′ 11″ (Yes!), cute, African, professional international basketball player, who was definitely into me. Me: a thinner, Rihanna-bob wearing, fly, recent college grad, and waitress at the time. The photo begged the question, “Self, what ever happened to this dude?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right he was a lame,”  I remind myself.  “HATED IT!”

But then I tried to remember, “Self , how was he lame? What do you mean by lame?” To what end was his lameness offensive enough not to take him up on that offer to fly to Paris for a week to watch his game, visit him in Florida, or spend NYE 2008 with festivities of Basketball GoldDiggers Wives proportions? He was just lame! That’s all I have. I can’t describe it, but I dang sure can describe all the extravagance I probably missed out on by making such a nondescript assessment. I could probably have my own reality show, be an ex-fiance of 4 years, have a crazy shoe game with the mental asylum looking for me for by now! You’d be a rookie to me (<–must know Nicki Minaj lyrics) and I’d be at the All-Star Game this weekend!

Another example. Months ago I was in love with a certain writer more so his writing though. Then, I actually saw him at a party. Dancing. Mingling. In a terrible outfit. Sipping a drink in that nondescriptively nonswagged way. “Ahhh! HE’S SO LAME!” I said to my friend. Since then, I haven’t been able to read his blog with any sort of adoration. Before this incident he was a smooth, swagged-up bachelor. Now he’s just a guy with a WordPress page. His whole lame-vibe-I-can’t-explain just shattered the e-Crush I had on him. What happened? How did I get so turned off by some guy I didn’t even speak a word to? What is this lame thing? I mean all that’s lost here is my love for his work but lameness sure does make a girl fickle. In a way this reminds me of high school how when football season was over we ditched the football players all started checking for the basketball and track guys. Their lameness was purely due to the fact that football was no longer relevant (until signing day) and we didn’t want to be irrelevant by proxy. It just goes to show how a woman we can get turned off easily.

Fast forward to this past Monday. My girlfriends and I are chatting and they start talking about the The Straight Talk No Chaser event and the NYC Quarterly Flow Dating event they attended. One girlfriend in particular recalled seeing a popular and attractive blogger there and how she’d thought about approaching him. She said, “Yeah, he was looking good, but then he did something and I was like nevermind. He’s kinda lame.” When I asked her to expound on his perceived lameness all she could do was purse her lips, shrug her shoulders, shake her head, basically giving a vague explanation about how the guy was lame therefore unappealing. Even in all her nondescript banter I somehow understood where she was coming from. It’s that lame factor! How exactly does a guy go from “Hey, Boo!” to “No, Thank You” in our eyes? Are we giving dudes a fair chance by judging as such?

I would be more at peace with the idea of casting these lames away if I could actually bring to words what this lame factor is. In most cases I can describe why I’m not feeling a dude, but with the lames it’s just that certain something that’s mysteriously off-putting that I can’t get past. Is it me or is it always the lame ones who are always there, got their ish together, and are boyfriend material?

Wait! I just thought of 3 lame good guy friends I have that I would never date? Does this make me a lame? You know? Birds of a feather? Awl-shoot! Say it isn’t so?

Do men have the same experience with women? Can a woman be lame? How? Even among my girlfriends we all have different interests, attitudes, mannerisms, tastes, and opinions but I’d never classify any og them as lame in the same way I would with dudes.  Men, what kinds of non-physical things can a woman do that would you give her the lame dismissal?

How do you define lame? Should we be so hard on lames? What are some examples of certifiable lameness?


4 Responses to “Definition of a Lame. What is it Really?”

  1. Deidre February 28, 2011 at 1:29 am #

    Ok, I sooooo feel what you’re saying on this one Ash. I’ve experienced lame not too long ago. How about a dude came over to hang out and watch movies wearing a mustard yellow vest on with no shirt (yes, no shirt). And oversized jeans that were too big to fit his very skinny frame. Does that make him lame or me for thinking he’s lame? Mmmmmmmmm

  2. z.bediako February 2, 2012 at 12:22 pm #

    I love this post. I randomly found this blog. But I did not watch girlfriends for years because of William. I used to always talk about how that show was just not watchable because it hurt me to see this black lame azz dude on television. But I just finished watched every single episode and I LOVE WILLIAM and all of his lameness. To think , out of all of them he is my favorite on the show. I

    • hisandhersinks February 3, 2012 at 1:02 am #

      Thanks. You’ve inspired me to attend to this blog more often. So glad you got over William and gave Girlfriends a try. I love that show and what William represents-a good genuine underrated guy…however lame he’s perceived.


  1. Tweets that mention Definition of a Lame. What is it Really? « hisandhersinks -- - February 21, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by soveryashleigh and soveryashleigh, soveryashleigh. soveryashleigh said: if it wasn't for lameness I could probably have my own reality show by now. […]

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