Compromise My Time? I’ll Pass

3 Mar

The last couple weeks I feel that somehow and in some small way I have grown or taken a step in the right direction in terms of my motivation  to date. I know this because I actually gave my number to a couple of guys I’ve met. I’m not that interested in dating yet but thought why not? I should just see what they’re about and possibly make a new friend if nothing else. This rationale alone demonstrates growth for me because I usually don’t take risks with my time like that. Don’t get to excited because though I’ve grown a little, I have plateaued at the same time.

Over the last couple weeks these guys have called and/or texted me. We’ve exchanged pleasantries and made small talk, but I am just not interested in getting to know them any further. Perhaps it’s because I am just not feelin’ these particular dudes that much but I also haven’t really given them a chance either. At the same time, I don’t feel like giving them a chance! My time is so valuable to me and unless I’m absolutely positive you are going to contribute to it in a more positive and enriching way I cannot be bothered! I have to take care of my priorities: twisting my hair, marathon training, going to Trader Joe’s, organizing my Netflix que, figure out what my signature Spring sandals will be, reading my favorite blogs, listening to Pandora, browsing vintage finds on Etsy, searching for the perfect black clutch, making fashion collages from my latest issue of People Style, brainstorming my business ideas, organizing my thoughts, painting my nails. I can’t be taking time off from these things to get to know you and then you end up not being worth my time, then I’ll be pissed at myself and frustrated because that clutch I wanted is now sold out online! I’m good!

However, I know that by not having the patience or the ability to compromise and see what these guys or any others MAY have to offer is dangerous if I ever want to have His and Her Sinks, right? Is this how it happens? Is this what those dang relationship experts say when say some people are too career focussed or too self involved to find a relationship? I have always despised this notion because I believe that just because you have a career and dreams doesn’t mean you can’t pursue a meaningful relationship at the same time and assumed they thought goal oriented people were incapable of balance. If you can’t do both or lose either your dreams or yourself by pursuing love then there is an issue with YOU that needs to be evaluated before you pursue any commitment in my opinion. But, what I’ve come to realize is that what these people are actually saying when they chastise the SEEMINGLY lonely and unhappy, single folks like myself for not chosing a relationship over our “busy careers” is that we don’t DESIRE to do both and that’s what keeps some of us, by default, unexpectedly single in the long run. It’s not that we can’t do both, we just don’t want to. I get it now! As I dodge the texts from these guys and refuse to save their numbers in my phone, I realize that it’s not about my inability to multi-task or extreme focus on other aspects of my life (well maybe this) but the reason I am chosing not to date right now is because dammit I don’t want to multi-task! I can if I want to but, why? I need to paint my bedroom (which I’ve been needing to finish for 6 months) and read my blogs! I ain’t about to go to dinner with you and risk wasting the time I could have spent commenting on an intense debate on VerySmartBrothas. No thanks!

I so get it now! Guys, this is scary though! If I don’t get over myself at some point and try to create room for romantic risks I might be one of those cat ladies! Well, maybe not a cat lady because I hate cats but, a bag lady! In 10 years y’all might see me on Hoarders trapped in my apartment because I’ve done nothing but come home and shop online for purses all night for several years. I now understand the single trap that people warn us self-full people of, but I don’t know what I’m gonna do about it! AH! I know! I’m gonna watch episodes of SATC all weekend in my pajamas! YES! Most fun! I love my life! I really do! Do I love it too much? I don’t want to share or take risks with my time! *pouts, stomps feet, and crosses arms* This makes me wish I was from a cultural background with arranged marriages. This way I wouldn’t have to date. I could just show up when I’m ready and over my single life and have a husband…of some sort waiting on me. 

What do y’all think? Can anyone relate? How did you learn to sacrifice your time to even start dating? What prompted your decision making around making time to date?

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2 Responses to “Compromise My Time? I’ll Pass”

  1. heather March 4, 2011 at 12:10 am #

    I never forwarded you that blogpost on why some of us are single…not because of lack of good men or becuz were flawed… but becuz some people are just happy and content with their life as is!! What’s wrong with that?? But clearly cuz your blogging about it… somethings not sitting right with you. Societal pressure? Internal conflict? My feeling is when you meet someone who peaks your interest you may be singing that different tune.

  2. Melissa March 22, 2011 at 3:34 pm #

    Hi there! I just came across your blog and I find it interesting. This particular post caught my attention because this is how I feel sometimes. I wonder if me going home after a long day and just wanting to watch tv for a couple of hours instead of spending a couple of hours on the phone with some guy is preventing from developing a relationship. But I just think that I haven’t found that person who I want to spend that quality time with. You will see the difference when you meet that person.

    Great blog!
    Mel

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