I Need Someone

14 Jun

Hello blog world. I’m back! I won’t burden you with excuses about my lack of posts so enjoy me while I’m here. As busy as I am, this is just as much a privilege for me as it hopefully is for you. Today, I am excited to have some sort of romantic inspiration to speak of.

Last week I was browsing through my Tumblr dashboard I came across this sweet little list:

On this particular day I was having a major existential, self-loathing, emotionally viral crisis. Upon seeing this cute little list I started to question who in the world would be able to handle all of my personal antics. What would I have to offer such a qualified mate? I haven’t quite come to terms with the fact that I would need to be able to reciprocate the same patience and committment to this mate so this let’s just focus on me and what I need right now.

I need someone who is prepared for:

– A million analytical questions. I get caught up in the details. I may not always pay attention to them when it counts, but I question them and they do matter to me. I can’t think of any concrete examples within a relationship context, but trust me; I will go there.

 – Weird laughter. I have been told I have a soulful laugh. A distinct laugh.Not only is my laugh apparently weird but I laugh at almost everything. Well, not things like terrorism or people’s’ flaws but silly, unassuming, seemingly unfunny things. This person will need to be prepared for me to potentially embarrass them for laughing at something that no one else thinks is funny or me trying to explain why something is funny. Basically, this person will need to be able to accept that I am a genius!

-My Family. If you go back and read one of my first posts “Where Are You” you’ll understand why toleration of my family is essential to being in a relationship with me. For one, I have a special parentified role within my family that no one including me can quite understand. Secondly, my teenage brother is liable to set a fire, steal your car, or knock over the Christmas tree at any given time. Deal with it!

-Violence. Given what I said about my family I need someone who is prepared to gunfight on any given Sunday. Someone who is comfortable with the police being called due to domestic disputes at family gatherings is alright with me.

-My love for Beyonce. I plan to have a tasteful Beyonce shrine presentation in my home one day. Maybe a few pictures here and there around my home office. I may flake out on a date night to learn the routine from her latest video. I may have a savings account dedicated to affording her concert tickets and eventual showcase on the Vegas strip. I may host listening parties for her latest album release either by myself or with a gaggle of gal pals. I may go off on my man and withhold sex if he challenges my admiration for her. I may leave him for Beyonce if the chance ever presented itself. Be prepared.

-My impulsivity. When I like something or discover something new (person, place, thing, or idea) nothing but death can keep me from it!”*. I sometimes get ideas, obsess over them for days, get worked up, then do nothing. It’s just what I do. This practice is likely to induce a migraine that takes me 2 days to sleep off and will mean someone will have to basically live my life for me.

-PMS. This stuff is no joke. As a woman who has had this problem most of my life I have to admit that it’s something I am just coming to terms with. I used to retort insults to anyone who blamed my mood swings inconsistencies on the “P” or “C” or “M” word. Like seriously, my mom and sisters can be so insensitive and misogynistic sometimes. I just need someone who can handle the fact that I turn into a 3 day sleeping beauty from time to time. I am likely to consider moving across the country, cutting my hair into a Southside bald fade, and/or becoming a Republican at least once a month.

– Open refrigerator doors and drawers. For some reason I have an issue with opening and closing cabinets, drawers, and doors. If I am cooking I want to leave everything open and avoid the constant opening and closing of everything over and over again. So what! It’s just a pet peeve of mine to keep them closed if I am actively using these compartments. I almost never close my bedroom closet doors. I get dressed everyday and have to get in and out of my closet every night. What is the point of closing the doors? Maybe it has something to do with me always having things pending and incomplete…..**

-My dreams. I don’t see my life in a small frame. Everything I do I expect it to be big. I need someone is prepared to take a journey and a chance with me.

In exchange for all this I am sure I can whip up some great southern cooking or at least good back rub.

*Name that movie. 

** Or is this symbolic of me being afraid of missed opportunities?

 What do you need someone in your life to be prepared for?

 

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One Response to “I Need Someone”

  1. Aisha June 14, 2011 at 11:24 pm #

    Yes Beyonce Shrine! That is a must. As for the open drawers/cabinets, I can’t stand that. B has the same propensity as you to keep them open and thus triggers useless arguments lol.

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