2012 In Love

31 Dec

As I’m sitting here getting a blowout while simultaneously waiting for a major love interest to text me back and deciding on a Plan B with a minor love interest, I can’t help but reflect on my love life. With only six and a half hours left of 2012, I have to admit that I wish I’d done more with my love life this year. I wish I’d experienced more romance. I feel like this is yet another year without having received the love I deserve.  I’m sitting here hoping he’ll ask me to spend New Year’s with him while rejecting the invites from another would-be lucky guy. I just deserve more than a hope or a wish; I know that. I’m just not there yet though but I can feel that 2013 will bring more.

This year, I was challenged to dismiss the perceptions I had about the men I attract and those I didn’t attract. I overcame all the boundaries about what I was capable of finding/attracting in a man that had previously left me scraping the bottom of the barrel. I’ve always had high expectations for men to meet my needs and wants but in 2012 I think I really stuck to them and for it I am grateful however disappointing the outcome may have been. I’ve become less afraid of letting go but at the same time less dismissive of men who f*ck up a little! I’m a Libra, but I guess I’m getting this balance thing down.

I’ve also realized that no matter how high or low my expectations there will always be the risk of disappointment. Whether I’m dating a lawyer or a security guard, my quest for true love and compatibility will always be a challenging one. I however have accepted that I am more compatible with men who have the similar levels of education/career as me. I had previously dismissed this key indicator of relationship success as important but now I don’t feel as guilty turning down a guy who is not as socially mobile as I am (Yuck, I hate the sound of that. May have to reconsider this concept). I mean as long as he is self-sufficient, can buy me gifts, and passionate about what he does who cares…I guess.

While love in 2012 has not been totally ideal for me, I have to remain optimistic that I will find it and that I can handle any disappointment in the pursuit. I will not give up yet. Happy New Year! Happy New Love!

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